When I met some (most?) of you about five years ago, girl/girl was a pretty overlooked niche in adult entertainment. We fancied ourselves an intimate (okay, small) group of connoiseurs who discussed, debated and analyzed, ad nauseam, the finer points of sapphic sex. We spent hours confessing our turn ons and turn offs, from oral sex to “tribbing” (a term nobody understood but us), and a generally shared dislike for toys.  We talked openly on girl/girl forums, secure that nobody was listening because nobody cared. It felt like our own little world, because for a while, it was.

Five years later, all of that has changed. As girl/girl porn became “the new New Thing” our forums were suddenly frequented by new girl/girl directors eager to ingratiate themselves with “the real fans.” All pledged their dedication to making “authentic lesbian porn,” and to bringing something “new” to the genre. ” New girl/girl studios popped up by the dozens, seemingly by the day, and soon all of us were fighting to cast the same girls in our respective productions: Samantha Ryan. Allie Haze. Julia Ann. Magdalene St. Michaels. The same faces now stare out at you from dozens of box covers each month. And the content inside the boxes has become increasingly similar, too.

Our little niche, our world of “authentic girl/girl sex,” has gone corporate. Our once unknown “stars” are now commanding top billing in big studio productions based on their strong girl/girl fan following. While every studio may promise to put their own “spin” on girl/girl porn, what they’re really saying is “Give me a piece of the pie – PLEASE. I’ll shoot whatever you want to see.”

I’m of two minds about the “mainstreaming” of girl/girl erotica. On one hand, I’m a fan and I want to see new stuff. I want to see what everyone is bringing to the table because it might be something new that will turn me on or inspire me. On the other hand, I hate to think of my genre going “mainstream” and losing some of its soul. We all know the formula for making a good girl/girl scene – the secrets are out.  Doing it right is not “special” anymore – it’s what everyone and anyone can do. It’s become commonplace.

In a way its astounding that girl/girl porn ever came to the forefront of adult entertainment. It had always been a peripheral genre; a side dish. Boy/girl had historically been the real meat (pardon the pun), the entree, of adult films. But when gonzo wiped out almost everything resembling quality, a need for something basic and real took hold once more. Girl/girl porn was quietly offering just that, and both women and men began to take notice – and open their wallets to buy it.

But now that the pendulum has firmly swung away from meaningless gonzo, and everyone is clamoring to write storylines, soap operas, “female-friendly” porn, will girl/girl once again recede into the background? My own studio Sweet Sinner, and now Sweet Sinema, is bringing to boy/girl the same principles we value in girl/girl. Almost immediately big studios began copying our boy/girl line, offering “romance” and “passion.” Now that boy/girl offers what only girl/girl once did, will we see a loss of interest in our favorite genre once more?

I was a girl/girl fan from my first forays into porn viewing. I never jerked off to anything else. While doing boy/girl porn my way has increased my interest in it and my ability to be turned on by it, I don’t think it will ever rival my love for girl/girl porn (at least not ona  personal level.) So what does this mean for us fans who truly love our genre and can’t get off on anything else quite the way we do from girl/girl erotica?

I think the answer is the same as it always is — find new ways to express Truth. There are a million ways to be in love, and to feel love and conflict and passion and longing for another woman, and to make love to another woman. The challenge is going to a deeper level, finding a way, somehow to keep the genre alive and interesting and surprising. And that’s what I’m determined to do, even if it slowly fades into the background of adult entertainment once more. In fact, it might be nice if that happened. Even the most fertile ground must lie fallow between crops.

Hey there lesbian erotica fans!  This is Robert (Robertttt on the forums) coming to you with a special treat.  Today I have the honor & privilege of interviewing Nica Noelle, the creative force behind Sweetheart Video and Sweet Sinner,  and an accomplished g/g erotic performer in her own right. 

I’ve made no secret of my admiration and adoration of this woman. Not only is she strikingly beautiful  and sexy, she’s very appealing as a person and an adult celebrity!  I’m not a professional interviewer or insider; I’m just a fan who appreciates good lesbian erotica.  How often does a regular fan get the oppurtunity to interview their favorite adult celebrity?

Anyway, we’ll be talking about a variety of things, like how she got started, the adult industry, forums and fans, performers and who knows what else.  I hope you’ll enjoy it! 

R: Okay, Nica, I guess we should start at the beginning, like where you grew up?

NN: I grew up in Westchester County, NY, Manhattan, and then Palos Verdes and other parts of Los Angeles County.  I think at heart I’ll always consider myself an east coast girl, though, and I tend to relate best to people from the east coast. Maybe it’s because they know how it feels to have “snow days.”

R:  What your family was like?

NN:  My mother was raised in an orphanage in Tipperary, Ireland and came to the US when she was 18 years old.  My father was a first generation American whose parents were from Denmark and Italy. The early years of my life were spent on the east coast.

My parents did not have a happy marriage, in fact it was what might politely be termed, “tumultuous.” I had an older brother who wasn’t that crazy about me because I was a little goody-two-shoes while he was constantly getting in trouble. My parents divorced when I was 10, and my mother remarried a man who lived in California. I’ve been relatively bicoastal ever since, but I settled in CA for the most part when I was in my mid-20s. 

R: When did you start noticing girls &/or boys?

NN: I can’t remember a time I wasn’t noticing both of them. I had my first significant crush on a girl when I was 6 – her name was Mara. We had sleepovers where we’d play all kinds of games.  I loved that girl, I still remember her.  She had long dark brown hair and to this day I love brunettes. I used to steal my mother’s costume jewelry and give it to her on the school bus on our way to kindergarten. 

 Another thing I used to steal was my brother’s friends. I’d get a crush on one of them (two names, Scotty and Howie come to mind) and decide they should be not my brothers friends but mine, and I would do a fair amount of plotting to make this a reality.  I did manage to do it a few times, so that these boys were coming to the door to see if I could play rather than to see my brother (which gave him another reason to hate me.) If memory serves I accomplished this feat by simply tickling the boys. For whatever reason they seemed to like that.

 R: I know you mentioned you were a paralegal, & I think you said you were a stripper too. At what point did you decide to be an adult performer?

NN: I decided to become an adult performer when I was 11 or 12. I lived in NYC and I would often go to Times Square and try to catch glimpses of the showgirls behind the big iron doors of the countless strip clubs that decorated a 7 or 8 block stretch of Broadway. I wanted to be a stripper or a porn star, and I wanted breast implants. I was a big fan of the Penthouse, Hustler and Playboy magazines that my father hid in the bathroom cabinet under the sink. I got my first job in the adult industry when I was 18, and I’ve been here on and off ever since. I think it was destiny, really. 

R:  Fascinating stuff, Nica! Does your family & relatives approve of your career choice? Do they know?

NN: The people who raised me are very supportive and in fact are proud of me for finding a way to achieve success doing what I used to do when I was a kid. From the time I was about 10 years old, I was always writing scripts. I would make my little girlfriends memorize their parts and then we’d have a “performance” in the living room. The plays  had names like “Hookers – A Musical.”

My biological parents have gone back and forth with it. But then they go back and forth with most things in life, as both are prone to sudden shifts in perspective and mood. My father appears to be totally fine with it now, though, and he sometimes asks if I ever see this girl or that one, or do I know so-and-so; performers he remembers from the 70s and 80s.

 RR:  When did you start performing in lesbian scenes?

NN: I started performing lesbian scenes in 2006, but I’ve been a bisexual woman all of my life. My first scene on film was by no means my first time with a woman.

 RR: I believe you did some stuff for an outfit called Channel 69. Did you enjoy that time?

NN:  I did two scenes for Urbanno at Channel 69 – the second one was with Elexis Monroe. The first one was fun because I worked with Stacy Cash, who was a beautiful girl and a great person. We had to play with toys, which frankly I had never done before! (I’ve never owned dildos or vibrators). She helped me by taking the lead.  But that was a different kind of shoot – it wasn’t really about intimacy, it was more “do this position,” “now do that position.”

RR:  Are there any other companies you performed for before joining Girlfriends Films in 2006?

NN: Yes, I did two hardcore spanking videos for Kelly Payne’s “Tantrum Trainers” line, and that was an amazing experience. I wrote an article about it for Spread Magazine and then I was invited to read it in front of an audience at an event in New York City. Working with Kelly is one of my fondest memories, even though I couldn’t sit down for a week! In the article I likened the colors of my beaten ass to a Van Gogh painting, and I think that was an apt description.

RR:  After your earlier scenes, you then joined Girlfriends Films.  In my opinion, you did some of your best work there with Lesbian Psychotherapists, Girls in White, Women Seeking Women and other series. You seemed to really blossom both as a performer and writer/director. I think you said you were a relative unknown before that.  While much banter has been made about your departure from GFF, I’m more interested in the positive lessons and ideas you were able to accumulate during your time there. How did your experience there help you form your own label, Sweetheart Video, with Jon B?

NN:  That’s a great question, and I think it is important to pay some attention to the positives that came out of my experience at GFF; there were many. First of all, it was the very first time I was given the opportunity – and the budget – to bring my fantasies to life. Lesbian Psychotherapist was my first movie, and it came straight from my personal fantasies. I had no idea if it would sell and neither did the owner of GFF; it was more like an experiment, really.  (I had so little faith in myself that I made sure to put in one “porno” style threesome scene at the end of the movie, just to “cover my ass.”)  

But Lesbian Psychotherapist really put me on the map in terms of being taken seriously, and being looked at as an exciting new writer/director. I was shocked by the amazing reviews it got and how it changed people’s perception of me overnight. I mean, it was SUCH an amateur offering! But it was different than anything GFF had done up until then, and the fans definitely encouraged me to continue along those lines. They let me know they loved where I was taking the studio.

 I am grateful to GFF for teaching me the basics I needed to get started on my career as an adult director.  The owner and I were operating out of his house and mailing videos from his bedroom closet when I first started, so I was involved in all aspects of the company, from sales to boxing up videos to corresponding with fans, to writing and directing the movies.  It was a crash course in running an adult film company. I’m sure nobody coming in now would have that experience, because now GFF is huge, but at the time I started there, it was just me and the owner and one editor. So I have a much better understanding of the “business” side than if I had just been doing creative stuff.

However, I was not actually allowed to blossom at GFF, because once I started getting well known the reigns were kind of pulled in, and he decided he wanted to step up to the forefront himself. He wanted to be the face of his own company. And why shouldn’t he? So we parted ways and he came out as the true owner of GFF, and he divulged his real name and started talking to fans and all of that. I think his experience with me showed him he really didn’t want to be “in the background” after all. And he shouldn’t be – that’s his company and he should be right out in front.  

But I’m proud of the direction in which I took GFF while I was there, because I worked really hard at putting that studio in the spotlight – I was a woman obsessed. Maybe most notably, I got a lot of big name stars involved in our movies: Kylie Ireland, Nina Hartley, Stephanie Swift — so suddenly GFF was getting mainstream press like it never had before. All these big stars were blogging and raving about the experience of working with us, and doing these movies that they all said were so unlike anything they had ever been a part of. Those ladies gave us the best PR in the world.

So GFF was great in many ways, but Jon Blitt of Mile High Media is the person who really allowed me to blossom. I call him my “professional soul mate” because from day one we were on the same page. Nobody in my life has ever treated me with such loyalty, respect, kindness nor given me such freedom to follow my muse. I would without a doubt say my best work has been at Sweetheart and Sweet Sinner. The movies are all me, and there’s no battle of egos or weird politics or anything like that holding me back. 

RR:  You were finally able to spread your wings with SHV and produce quality lesbian erotica on your own terms. You went from obscurity to prominence in less than 5 years, quite an amazing accomplishment! Sweetheart Video is considered one of the top three lesbian studios and it continues to improve. You also have a vast array of beautiful and talented performers to choose from. Could you give a quick (maybe 5 ?) list of your favorite performers to work with?

NN: Sure! But there’s no way to list only 5. I would have to say Michelle Lay is number one, because she’s probably my closest female friend in the adult industry, and she’s also just an incredible performer on every level. I love her so much. Stephanie Swift, who retired last year due to breast cancer, is someone I was and am devoted to and I cherished the times we worked together – she was, as we all know, one of the truly great adult performers of our time. Sinn Sage, who I’ve watched grow and evolve in so many ways and become really one of the best g/g performers working today. Nina Hartley, my mentor and close friend who is just the epitome of professionalism and warmth and talent. And then, gosh, there’s no way I can pick just one more! Magdalene St. Michaels, Darla Crane, Allie Haze, Zoe Voss, Dana Deamond, Alia Starr, most recently Julia Ann who I’m working with on multiple features. You should have given me a top 50 people I most like to work with, because I know I’m leaving lots of important names out!

 R: You’re also branching out into boy/girl porn with Sweet Sinner. The main reason I’ve never been into hetero porn is the men come across as emotionless, mechanical beings, void of any passion, in my opinion. I must confess I’ve never seen any SSV discs, but I think you said you were trying to add feeling and depth in b/g porn, a tall order indeed!  Another problem I have is with the cum-shots, which make any scene look staged & predictable. It’s as if someone is saying “In case you’ve forgotten, this is a porn movie and here’s the evidence”. Do you think you’ve made any strides to reverse this stereotype?

NN: Oh, I hope so. That’s my goal. I don’t know if I’ll really be able to make a difference, but I’m making movies specifically for people like you, Robert. And I want to go even further in that direction. Passion is extremely important in all Sweet Sinner films: passion, seduction and real sex. And right now I’m going more in the “cream pie” and “swallowing” direction to get away from the “porno” pop shot. I will still feature a certain number of external pop shots for the guys who really like to see them, but I personally wish every single scene could be a cream pie. (I don’t like the word “cream pie” though, I prefer “Internal pop.”) So I’m definitely taking the studio in that direction – maintaining that intimacy all the way to the end of the scene.

I was very much like you in that I didn’t watch b/g porn because of the way the men were portrayed. It was a turn off. I preferred reading b/g erotica rather than watching b/g videos, but I was always a HUGE g/g video fan. So when we started Sweet Sinner, Jon knew how I wanted to shoot the sex and he also knew that I knew nothing about what makes b/g  porn “sell.”  Basically our plan was that I’d shoot what I wanted to see but had never been able to find.  He showed that faith in me once again, which was astounding.

 I don’t think we’ve really hit our stride yet with Sweet Sinner, and I think that’s for a few reasons. We’re innovating like crazy, but we’re very undercover, despite the awards we’ve won.  We’re something of a secret — we’ve done no PR whatsoever, but we’re now finally putting  a PR team together. Also, I’ve only recently truly claimed my identity as a b/g shooter. I’m now at the point where I feel confident going in the cream pie/swallowing direction, and where I feel confident about keeping the intimacy intact until that last frame of film (or last seconds of video, rather.) I don’t want to see a disconnect where the guy suddenly pulls away and cums all over the girls leg or something. I mean, what a buzzkill! It ruins all the intimacy we tried to establish throughout the scene.

RR:  Since you became prominent in the lesbian erotica world, you’ve always been available to discuss and debate on the forums. I think you said you helped create both the GFF and SHV forums, and you’re quite prominent on the Lezlove forum as well.  I’ve always enjoyed your wit and candor, but obviously not everyone does. That’s what makes a healthy debate. However, you have made it known you’ve been harassed and cyber-stalked by certain people. I resisted contacting you privately for months until you asked, for fear of being perceived in that regard. At what point does it become stalking and what can be done to stop it?

NN: This is an interesting question, and one I’ve grappled with. First of all Robert, you are a complete darling, really sweet and respectful, and I’ve never known you to be anything but. I’m looking forward to meeting you one day soon and it better happen! But fairly recently there was a problem person who got angry when I banned him from the forum for being inappropriate, and he did begin “cyber-stalking” me. He still does what he can to be a nuisance. There’s really not a lot I can do but report him to cyber-watch groups (I have) and alert my friends with Facebook and Twitter accounts not to let him follow them (he has contacted friends of mine outside of the Industry.) Someone like that is a very unusual case, though, as most people are not that disrespectful – nor do most people have that much time on their hands.

It’s hard because you want to connect with fans and communicate, but sometimes you set a precedent by answering that first email. Suddenly your inbox is flooded with four or five per day from that person, too much to even hope to respond to, so you put it on the back burner. But then that person feels neglected, and then, sometimes, angry. I see that happen with female fans quite a bit; where my writing that first e mail response is almost viewed as a promise of intense, daily communication from that day forward.

I’ve had times where I’ve been angry and resentful and freaked out and all those things, because it’s a new experience for me — I’ve spent most of my life being anonymous. So it’s a skill I’ve had to learn, and am still learning: How to say “I’m sorry, I would love to talk to you but I just don’t have the time to email/talk every day.” Be polite, be respectful, and let them know you’re not deserting them. But if they keep writing and demanding responses on a daily basis, or start acting out when they don’t get your attention, that’s a clue, like “Okay, maybe there’s something wrong here.”

Some people do view you, I guess, as “dream friend” or even a romantic fantasy of some kind — someone that will love and understand all the parts of them they have to keep hidden from the rest of the world; sometimes even hidden from their spouse. Because I’m so prolific with my movies and on the forums and my other writing, people tend to feel they know me more than they do other directors. I share more, so there is resentment when I decide I want to “turn it off” and go on “private.” It’s like “You let us in when you wanted attention, you can’t just shut us out when you want to be alone.” I can see where that resentment comes from, but yet, how am I supposed to have intense, intimate relationships and friendships with that many people, on a daily basis? It’s mathematically impossible, even if I somehow found the emotional resources to do it.

R:  Well Nica, the sky’s the limit! What do you see in the future for lesbian erotica? Do you plan on crossing over into mainstream cable? Or perhaps feature lesbian erotica movies? You’re also an accomplished writer and novelist. Any literature coming out? I think you can make anything successful if you put your mind to it….

Thank you so much Robert, you’re always so encouraging! I think lesbian erotica still has a ways to go. The quality of the seductions are still not what I would like them to be — in SV movies or ANY movies. There’s a lot of focus now on production values and using the new-fangled cameras that make everything look cinematic, but I’m less concerned with fancy camerawork, I guess, than I am with hitting the right psychological and emotional notes. Good erotic films should get you so turned on that by the time the sex starts you’re already dripping wet (or hard, as the case may be) and you’re near orgasm yourself when you get to that point of the movie. The seduction should be THAT potent. And I still haven’t achieved that yet. My goals are mainly focused on improving the psychological, emotional-erotic experience. The viewer’s private, internal response to the movie. Of course I want to improve production values too, and I work on that pretty diligently, but that’s not what keeps me up at night.

Other than that, it has to do with staying in touch with the fans. Fantasies evolve, and sexuality is somewhat fluid. My own fantasies change from time to time, or vacillate between a few different things. One thing I’ve noticed about g/g fans is that we all tend to be somewhat on the same page. We may have slightly different tastes when it comes to certain girls or positions, but in general it’s a bit of a ‘group mentality’. So it’s vital to me to connect with all of you on the forums and through email to stay on top of what you want to see; what’s working for you and what isn’t. And it’s also a way for me to share my fantasies and ask “does this turn you guys on, or is it just me?”

The fans really made my career, and I’m proud of the fact that now it’s par for the course for g/g models and directors to spend a great deal of time on the forums. Back in 2007 I was the only one on there, and frankly it was nice – for a while you guys were all mine! But now I have to share. Doggone it.

As for writing, I am working on two different book proposals at the moment – one is a nature book about backyard animals, and the other is a memoir of sorts (not a typical memoir format, but the content is fairly autobiographical). I also write regularly for Hustler Magazine, and occasionally for Xbiz. I also write for mainstream publications, under a different name.  Hopefully the day will come when it will be acceptable for me to do everything under the same name, though – maybe even in my lifetime! Aim high, right?

I sometimes develop little correspondence relationships with fans. I’m like anyone else in that I meet people on the forums or social network sites that seem to me a little more interesting than the rest, or I just feel that little “click” with them, or think they’re sweet, or sometimes I just think they’re cute, and I want to know them better and vice versa. Sometimes I even meet them in person, like I had the pleasure of doing with Paulis when I went to Montreal.

Robert is one of the people I’ve been drawn to a bit. He loves all good g/g porn, and he doesn’t play favorites – he respects and supports everyone in our genre. We’ve written back and forth to each other quite a bit in the past months, and when said he had a bunch of questions he wanted to ask me I asked if he’d like to just “interview” me and share it on the SV site. He was excited by that idea, so we’re going to do a little interview and post it here sometime in the next few days. I’ll try to make my answers interesting, but I have no idea what he’s going to ask! Stay tuned…  :-)

What’s going on in the porn world these days, anyway?

We’ve all heard the rumors about DVDs “dying out,” we’ve watched smaller studios file for bankruptcy and larger studios cut way back on production or go “web only.” The era of the “contract star” seems to be coming to an end, just as it did in mainstream Hollywood a more than a few decades ago. “Girl/girl” porn somehow emerged as the hot new thing during a time of adult film’s relative decline, and the method for filming it (unchoreographed, raw, “let it happen naturally and capture it on film” strategy) took the industry by storm. These days, every surviving studio is jumping on the girl/girl bandwagon, and casting “realistic” productions heavy on “romance” and “seduction.”  What was once the fresh, exciting new thing in porn is now in danger of getting, well, old.

When does something get old? When it becomes commonplace, typical, uninspired. When corporations look at the anatomy and mechanics of a rising trend, and decide they can copy it and make it slicker, glossier, more “marketable” than those who created it.  When this happens, sometimes even the “originators” jump on the corporate bandwagon and change the folksy, soulful way they’ve achieved success in favor of a “We’ve Hit the Big Time Now!” image.  (This syndrome, as we all know, is also called “selling out.”)

But it’s a complicated position to be in, when you’re navigating choppy waters and trying to hold on to the life raft beneath you. Conventional wisdom for staying afloat becomes strange and contradictory: Stay ahead of the times, but don’t innovate too much. Ride the bandwagon, but don’t look like a “copycat.”  Only once you’ve fallen into the trap of analyzing your “creative” decisions in terms of their risk/reward ratio, it gets hard to tell the difference between a “flight of fancy,” and an idea that’s truly inspired. 

I don’t know if anyone remembers Terence Trent Darby back in the 1980s. He was a stunningly talented soul musician who was hailed as the future of pop music, a true innovator from the “real talent” school of Sam Cooke and Stevie Wonder. He was poised for legendary status, only to be almost completely forgotten when his second album was released. (It was a two-disc CD of “inspired” tunes that were perceived as self-indulgent and not marketable. He had gone on the record as saying that he expected his fans to be able to handle his “ambitious” project and stick with him.)  His career quickly fizzled, as his fans made clear that they didn’t want to be tested — they just wanted good music they could hum along to in the car. 

The moral of the story is, just because you strike gold once doesn’t mean you’re invincible. Not all of your ideas and expressions are golden. Know your market, excite your market, but don’t get ahead of your market. If they make it clear they love apples, don’t throw them a banana.

But you also run the risk of becoming part of the status quo; the next generation of obsolete filmmakers whose ideas became stale and predictable. I really don’t want to go this route.  At the same time, I don’t want Sweetheart Video (or Sweet Sinner for that matter) to become a “vanity” studio where I indulge (and delude) myself into thinking that any cockamamie idea in my head is worthy of a DVD. I don’t want to mistake ego for innovation, vanity for creativity. But there are also some other things I don’t want to do.

I don’t want to buy into the belief that people will never see past cliches and stereotypes when purchasing porn, and that as humans we’re simply incapable of becoming more sophisticated, more evolved in our choices for adult entertainment. More discerning. More INTERESTING. To me, that’s what’s missing in porn now — the sex is becoming more real, but the films are still not very interesting. They can’t be, until people get used to seeing sex films in a different light, a more serious light.  But it takes time to get the public used to new things, and time is one thing producers don’t have in a dwindling market.

I’m still trying to figure out how to overcome this hurdle. I mean, what can I say if distributors simply aren’t interested in titles that don’t feature “porn buzz words” on the box? And I think the answer is, I have to reach my audience some other way first.  Through bigger promotional efforts. Because I believe there’s a vast audience that wants to watch something they can invest in, characters they can believe and storylines that engage them, so that when they get to the “real sex” their minds are as stimulated as their bodies. I want to keep trying to deliver that, but still keep in mind that porn is also about fantasy. There are a lot of fields to hit to, let’s put it that way.

Evolution and innovation aren’t always synonymous with “Invention.” It’s not always about coming up with the New New Thing, but rather about evolving and growing along the trail blazed by the ideas that came before. The hope isn’t to keep reinventing the wheel, but to understand what made the wheel a success in the first place, and figuring out where we want it to take us, now that we’ve got the thing rolling.

With lesbian porn, its realistic, intimate sex made it stand out from and rise above the ridiculous, fake-looking porn it shared a market with. And that realism came from performers and filmmakers who took a leap of faith, bared their souls and trusted that honesty would sell.  We had faith that the inherent authenticity of our films would override any shaky camera issues or imperfect lighting.

And going forward, that’s what we should continue to strive for — authenticity and realism, fantastic sex mixed in with the fantasy element that creates for you a perfect world of authentic sex and stimulating fantasy situations.  It’s a tight rope to walk, but if we can figure it out, then we can continue on an ever-evolving journey with our audience, rather than commit ourselves to a fate as the next generation of dinosaurs. 

#KPA

I just had the best day on set! Today we shot Kate Kastle and Diem Moore for Mother Lover’s Society #3.  My favorite series is really heating up in this volume, because we introduce the lovely Kate as Kasey’s nymphet-loving mother and the possible cause of Kasey’s troubled sexuality. The question is whether Magdalene will succumb to the temptation of finally solving the puzzle of her much younger lover, or if she’ll have the strength to move on with her new, healthier relationship. You’ll have to watch to find out! Erica Lauren and Darla Crane also return for more drama (and stunning Alia Starr debuts in the role left vacant by adorable Wendy Breeze.)

This month also marks my return to performing, as I have a scene scheduled with Veronica Snow (the Psychotherapists are BACK!) and a boy/girl scene with Christian X. Everyone knows that Veronica and I have a long history together, and I love making love to her, so I can’t wait to do it on film! But Christian is obviously only the second boy I have ever performed with (the first being Manuel Ferrara, with whom I shot a softcore scene with a few years ago — though we did it as a hardcore scene, because… we wanted to.) Doing b/g scenes is still very new to me, although I’m on the lookout for other boys I’d like to work with (I have to feel a true personal connection so I can really put my heart into the movie and the sex.) 

I was attracted to Christian the very first time he walked onto my set, and that NEVER happens to me. He’s just so physically striking, and he has such presence, and I just immediately wanted to “get a room” with him. We connected immediately and intensely but then… a few things happened. Some drama involving other people. And we decided not to go any further. So we’ve had this sort of dormant, long-distance sexual tension for the past two years.  He recently asked me to please do a scene with him, and we decided we should do it for my studio, Sweet Sinner.

I’ve heard that Christian doesn’t always emotionally “connect” during scenes, and I take this as a personal challenge. I want to make him connect with me no matter what it takes. I’ve had emotionally distant and remote lovers before in my personal life, and in the past I was never confident enough to challenge them on it the way I feel able to now. I want Christian to make love to me the way I’ve always dreamed of him making love to me, and I’m going to get it out of him no matter how long it takes. So it might be a very long scene, depending on how much he wants to cooperate!

I know I haven’t performed in a while, and the real reason why I haven’t is that I actually wasn’t feeling very good for about a year. I changed my diet after going on the Master Cleanse 18 months ago, first giving up meat and then eventually wheat, dairy and sugar. The problem was, I didn’t replace the vitamins and iron I was losing with any kind of supplements (because, you know, I’m so smart!)  So I slowly became very badly anemic and (again, because I’m smart!) didn’t realize it. I honestly didn’t know why I was always out of breath and exhausted and why my voice was hoarse all the time — I just thought I was getting “old” and “burnt out” from working a lot.  I finally discovered what the problem was when I lost the ability to focus my eyes and got so dizzy that I couldn’t drive myself to the doctor’s office to see what was wrong. He diagnosed me and put me on iron supplements 3 x per day, and within a week I was a completely new person. Now my constant refrain is, “where are my rollerskates?” 

I know it sounds weird, but I just didn’t realize that my disinterest in performing was due to something as simple as anemia. It just never occurred to me.  I was actually incredibly depressed about my inability to feel excited about performing, my complete lack of interest in having sexual adventures (although I got a lot of reading done.)  I became a person I simply couldn’t recognize and I wasn’t comfortable with it at all.

Needless to say, that’s not an issue anymore. Now I’m like, “Can I perform, please?” Because one thing about having tons of energy again is that you really want to have lots of sex! 

When did everyone get so good looking, anyway?

I’m back!  (I hope you still want me.)

First of all, we want to say that it’s been an amazing year for Sweetheart Video and for Sweet Sinner. We’d like to thank our first contract girl, Elexis Monroe, for doing such an incredible job in the movies I created for her. This year brought her to a completely new level, and she rose to every challenge. The best of luck to Elexis in what’s become a most glorious career.  

 And yes, we are thinking about the next contract girl for Sweetheart. I know I said previously that I wasn’t sure I was ready to do it again, but there are some girls I am so excited about that it’s hard not to start dreaming again. I love the experience of having a girl who’s “all ours” that I can write movies especially for, and build something around. So stay tuned, as we’ll probably have an announcement to make before too much longer.

 And of course, there is the latest on the beautiful Stephanie Swift. On March 10^th I held a fundraiser for her in Santa Monica, CA and I was really proud of and grateful for the people who showed up. I want to thank the stars who took time out of their schedule to come by or to donate to the event: Ron Jeremy, Nina Hartley, Michelle Lay and Reno Ash (Reno came by even though he was sick, just because it was that important to him – you’re the best Reno), Samantha Ryan, Darla Crane, Derek Hay of LA Direct Models, Mr. Pete, Alexis Texas, Kristina Rose, David Perry, Andy Enomoto of Private Dancer Magazine (my former boss – I used to be his editor!), Dan Miller of AVN, Jessica Drake, Christian Wians, Nyomi Banxxx,Tanya Tate, Erica Lauren, Magdalene St. Michaels, our own moderator Yolanda from the SV forum.

 I was also disappointed by those who chose not to show up, or send a check or any type of support. Included on that list are those who have looked to the industry for support and contributions themselves when they were in need, and it was a real shock to see how the people I thought I could depend on just “shined it,” as they say. Meanwhile, some of those I thought wouldn’t show up came and stayed all night, so there were some pleasant surprises, too.

 All I can say is, we really need to get a union or something going in this industry, some kind of health insurance or benefits to protect performers. Because there is very little support in times of need. My benefit for Stephanie was a decent fundraiser when all was said and done, but it could have been so much better if everyone I work with and asked, personally, to help support this, would have stopped by and made their ten dollar contribution. Is staying at home playing World of Warcraft really THAT important? That’s why I was so disappointed I guess – it seems the people who ask me for favors the most, and who I do a lot for, were the main ones who didn’t bother coming by, or who cancelled at the last minute. So that was kind of disappointing.

 Yesterday Stephanie underwent lymph node removal surgery, which went well, and she’s probably going to be discharged from the hospital today. Please keep her in your thoughts. We’ll find out in about a week whether we can start to put this whole stupid cancer experience behind us and get back to the business of living. We want to go to Sea World together, so we’re waiting for some good news!

 My next blog will be about Teri Weigel, I think I’ll write it now and post it in a few days. I have so much to say about Teri. I’m very excited that she’s in my life and I have a whole lot to tell you guys! Til then, love Nica

Hi everyone: Yes, I know it’s been a while, and as many of you know, my family suffered a loss right before Christmas.  My stepdad’s death from lung cancer came right on the heels of Stephanie Swift’s diagnosis of breast cancer only a few months earlier.  Needless to say, I felt completely overwhelmed and depressed as I watched two of the people closest to me struggle with this awful disease. I just didn’t have the wherewithal to write very much. I’m afraid my posts would have been limited to “Life sucks!” I don’t get writer’s block very often, but in the case of the past few months my brain has just been numb, along with many of my emotions. It’s just been hard to care about anything much, and it was a struggle to even get my basic work done, to show up on set, to write the movies. I had never felt so disinterested in things that usually bring me joy.

Now, however, the pendulum has begun to sway back. My stepdad has been laid to rest, and beautiful Stephanie completes her final chemotherapy sessions this month (January.) She looks gorgeous and strong and we have every reason to believe she’ll be cancer-free very soon.

Another thing that’s making me really happy is my return to regular performing (girls only!) Since increasing our product to four films a month (between Sweetheart and Sweet Sinner), I felt that performing was piling my plate just a little too high. So I stopped, and concentrated all my efforts on writing and directing. 

But now, with my new Club Sapphic series, I’m going to be able to perform regularly again. I’ll also be sharing more intimate details of my life with you: you can read in bed with me, listen to my random blatherings, brainstorm with me, kind of be my friend as I go through my day and my life. This is ONLY for Club Sapphic members, and will not be on DVD. We’re setting up a special part of the website right now that will be dedicated to me and my girls and I’ll let you know as soon as it goes up. It should be by the end of January, after I return from AVN.

My Club Sapphic series will be shot differently than videos, in that it will be one camera, very intimate, just me and my girl of the month, and our female camera-person. There won’t be any storylines, it will just be us talking to each other and to you and then making love.  I want you to tell me what and who you want to see me with. I am so excited and I have a wish list already: Melissa Monet, Darla Crane, Sara Stone, Nyomi Banxxx, Deauxma, Nicole Ray, Wendy Breeze, to name just a few. I hope you’ll enjoy it as much as I’m going to love doing it, because believe me I am VERY excited!!!

And now I have to get ready for AVN! Literally, I’m on my way to the salon to get all highlighted for you so I can properly represent redheaded sluts everywhere! I’m up for Director of the Year, and Sweet Sinner is up for Best New Studio, and we have a few Sweetheart nods in there as well! So wish us luck – any awards we win are thank to you guys. I’d be nothing without you and I love you all so much!

I promise the blogs will be back to their regular scheduling now. Thank you for understanding while I’ve been going through life’s twists and turns.

xoxoxo Nica

Please welcome our newest guest blogger, who’ll you’ll be seeing a lot of.  Your favorite contract star and mine… Elexis Monroe.

* * *

So, here we are.  It’s another Monday and life goes on, as usual.  It’s officially been a month since my surgery.  My body feels wonderful, which is not something I’s used to saying, but it feels good.  If you can imagine having cramps and pains 24/7 then you know how I’ve felt for a while now.  Not very sexy but it never seemed to stop me.  However, I have noticed lately I feel more sexual and/or sexy in my body, so one cant complain.

Masturbation.  It’s a word we all use often or frequently.  It’s something many of us do, often or frequently.  The last few days I’ve been thinking about the topic a lot.  Things like “who masturbates more, men or women?” and “do we really need to masturbate or is it more of a ‘want’?” and such. When I was younger it seems I masturbated more often. It’s funny, the older I get the more I grow in my sexuality and understand things as they are.  When I was younger I enjoyed masturbating — a lot.  The truth is, though, I always preferred interaction with a partner.  Lord knows we all cant be so lucky. I’m sure a lot of the time I masturbated, I did it to pass the time, get a quick fix, or because it just ‘sounds’ cool.  Funny thing is, not until recent years have I learned the true benefit of masturbation. 

I don’t do it all the time.  I actually enjoy mutual masturbation more than solo.  Sometimes a girl does have to do what a girl has to do.  You diddle yourself for 5 minutes, feel a few minutes of pure relaxed euphoric state and then reality/life sets back in.  I would much rather enjoy those 5 minutes with someone else, or have someone else enjoy my little show rather than just myself.  Im a giver, what can I say.

So here I am, back to my original thoughts. Masturbation- a want or a need?  I have to say for me it’s a want.  I don’t feel I NEED to masturbate.  The world will go on if I don’t.  However, there are times when I NEED to.  Truth be told, I haven’t done it since my surgery and its been a month. I’ve thought about it, but for some odd reason I would just rather wait until I have a partner and a camera to play with. 

Sex is something special to me. I don’t take it lightly and I consider it to be the most powerful emotion besides love.  Im just at a point in my life where Im comfortable with myself, my sexuality, and I’m in no rush to fulfill every need I have.  I can be patient and it just makes it that much more perfect, meaningful, fulfilling, etc.  I feel I have become a Master on this subject, or at least I feel I’ve mastered it enough for myself to be happy and content.  I have mastered the debate or masturbation within myself, so to speak.  I do think about sex and masturbation, all day, every day. Its one of the few constants in my life.  This theory that men think about sex more then women is BS and I will be the first to say it.  Maybe I’m just the exception to the rule.  I just feel now I know how special masturbation can be as well as beneficial.  I feel now it benefits me more to make the occasion a special thing, not something regular like laundry or going for a walk.

I need a spontaneous life.  Just like when I’m stuck in traffic about to pull my hair out.  If I pull out a toy(which I have in glove box) and take a few minutes to unwind, then (like John Lennon said) “Let it be.”  It happens when it happens, and my life doesn’t revolve around it.  That’s why I feel I am a ‘master debater’ because I have mastered the issue within myself.

As I get older, so do toys. I like toys but there is something about touching another person. Kissing, grinding, bodies close, skin, sweat, saliva, eye contact, smell of sweet sweat and sexiness… To me, it just more enjoyable, pleasurable and all around more fun when you have someone else to masturbate with. There’s something about fingers and tongue that a toy cant replace.

As I get older, this sexual growl is growing deep inside me. I feel like a tiger. Rarrrrrr! I desire human connection more than ever before in my life. I want to have passion and toys don’t really give you that. They do, just not in the way I need. But yes, sometimes a good sticking or two does gets the job done.  Again, these are all just my opinions. It is a want that some of us DO NEED. I just think moderation is key. I just know I would much rather share my sexual enjoyment and experiences with all of you rather then just myself. Making my fans happy one stroke at a time. However, sometimes I will masturbate without you.  I promise you there will always be pictures and videos… always.

Do we really NEED to masturbate? Is it truly a want, we feel we need and can’t live without? I know if I didn’t sometimes, I would be walking around like an angry postal woman. Can you imagine walking around with a hard on 24/7?  Me either. Sometimes its a want I have to have! Just do me one favor, when and if you masturbate, which you will just think of me.  Pop on a video, pull up some pictures, or better yet come join my live cam show when my sites up and I will give you a show and direct you in your mission.  I am a wizard at jerk-off encouragement by the way.

Just remember, masturbation is always fun with me. That is all for now. Shesh, all this talk has now made me WANT to masturbate. But do I NEED to? That is the question? Happy Monday. Many more wacky thoughts and blogs to come. Hope you enjoy and I look forward to hearing all your thoughts/feedback in return because I have a strange feeling I will.  XX Love you… -EM

Hey everyone, I am so sorry it’s been forever since I blogged. Things have been really hectic! And it seems there’s ALWAYS more writing to do. Since so many of you suggested I get some “guest bloggers” so you could have a chance to connect with some of your other favorite lesbian stars, I decided there’s no time like the present. So please welcome a thoughtful, poignant journal entry by the beautiful Zoe Britton. It’s a very brave little piece, though it leaves me wanting to change her mind…

Love … By Zoe Britton

Love… What is love?  How can anyone describe it?  Is it an emotion or something you make? Chemical?  Spiritual?  I think it’s way too complicated, and all of the above.  I avoid it like the plague but i guess it’s bound to catch up with me sooner or later.  Who can avoid it forever?! 

Most days i hope the answer is little ol’ me.  I often say that my heart is tiny and black, even though it’s a bold face lie.  I want to believe that i am untouchable, not human.  That unlike the gen.pop. i can control all of my emotions at will.  The superhero of emotional control.  Most days I even “know” that i am stronger than most when it comes to avoiding love.  There have been rare instances where i was blind sided, but only a few.  Even then i tell myself to make it go away and have been successful on occasion.  Little crushes are to be avoided at all cost, less they evolve. SCARY!!!

I guess that’s what us commitment phobes are really avoiding. Evolution.  Ducking and hiding from the change and sticking to our safety guns of “self-control”.

But then again what do we become if we don’t evolve?  Won’t the world eventually leave us behind?  For now i’ll just remember that it’s a good thing i like cats!!!

As most of you know, recently an adult performer tested positive for HIV, and was immediately put under quarantine (as were the two male performers she had recently worked with). When word of a positive result got out, the mainstream media went crazy. I’ve never seen such rampant, unabashedly yellow journalism (maybe because this is the first time I’ve been close enough to an issue to know *what’s really going on* vs. how it’s being reported.) Suffice it to say I’ll never again read the LA Times without one eyebrow cocked. (Not that I ever read it anyway – I’m a New York Times girl.)

I know more about the players in this little drama than I can publicly post, due to privacy issues: Nobody deserves to have their HIV status publicized as long as they’re following proper protocol for keeping others safe. However, I can tell you (note: this information was given to me by credible sources close to the matter but is not first hand knowledge) the performer was new to the industry and had barely worked. The names of the performers under quarantine were completely unfamiliar to me and to most people in my circle, meaning that they were not exactly in the “upper echelons” of porn. That’s another blog topic right there (the question of whether everyone who points a camcorder at a naked body should be considered “Industry). But first, let’s start with a few basic facts.

HIV has not been cured. There is no vaccine. These are truths that we all – not just adult industry performers – live with. Sexually active civilians as well as sex performers are ALL at risk. Any time you have sex (whether cameras or rolling or not!) YOU ARE AT RISK FOR CONTAGIOUS DISEASES.

Condoms break. Diseases that transfer skin-to-skin (such as herpes) are not 100% preventable even when a condom is used. There may even be new diseases on the horizon, something weird and scary that will emerge in two years, five years, ten years, and rock our worlds – why shouldn’t there be? Sex has always been a risky endeavor. If it’s not pregnancy it’s either warts or sores or icky, toxic discharge, or silent diseases that make you go crazy if left untreated (syphilis). Or, now, death itself: an ironic price to pay for an act that causes Life.

Contagious diseases spread – it’s their nature to do so. The fact that HIV is a communicable disease is not the fault of, nor was caused by, the adult industry. We are not responsible for the spread of this disease. As an organized group of sexually active adults, we are in fact uncommonly responsible and accountable and self-regulating in our efforts to prevent it from spreading.

Personally I feel much safer having sex with a porn star than I would a civilian. I’ve dated civilians. They don’t disclose information about their sexual health status. They’re terrified of the stigma associated with admitting they have herpes or genital warts; they often avoid testing altogether. They’re careless and reckless. I’ve experienced this first hand.

Conversely, adult performers live in a culture where it’s mandatory to be open and honest about our sexual health. Nobody I know has any qualms about disclosing their sexual health status to a person with whom they intend to have sex – on camera or off. We also, as a group, have agreed to allow our test results to be made public to other members of our group. Meaning, I can call AIM any time and get the test results of any adult performer I’m working with, or any adult performer I may be thinking of sleeping with off camera. I wish I could do that with civilians, but I can’t. I have to simply hope they’ll be honest with me, and that’s up to them. But rest assured: if they’re dishonest, the LA Times won’t write an article about how a civilian infected ME.

That said, is the adult industry doing all it can to prevent every possible disease from spreading? No. Should adult performers be required to wear condoms? Maybe. We’re taking a look at that now; reviewing the data, exploring the issues. They are not as cut and dried as the mainstream media would have everyone believe.

In my observation, the most widespread STDs in the adult industry are those that are treatable and curable, such as gonorrhea and Chlamydia. I’ll be candid – I do hear of b/g performers contracting these STDs on what could reasonably be termed a frequent basis. It’s not uncommon for a b/g performer to be out of commission for a week or two because they “got sick” and are currently on antibiotics.

This may sound strange but bear with me — to us certain risks are a little bit like those one assumed by a welder, stunt man or even a deli worker. Our job is considered “extreme” and it comes with some inherent risks. If you work with knives, you get cut more often than the Average Joe. If you’re a welder, from time to time burning slag hits you the wrong way and you come home with a burn. You do all you can to prevent these things from happening, but at the end of the day, a high risk job is a high risk job.

Nobody says that a police officer’s job is just too dangerous and that those who wish to become police officers should be protected from themselves. It doesn’t matter how many cops die in the course of their work, or how many innocent folks die at the hands of cops who “made a mistake” or resorted to dangerous, unnecessary force.

Likewise, nobody tells skydivers they shouldn’t be allowed to dive because it’s a completely unnecessary pastime done only for pleasure and thrill, and that the risk is too great. As for surfers – how many people have died while surfing? There’s no reason to surf other than for pleasure. How about driving a car? That’s the most dangerous thing you can possibly do – should we just admit it’s not safe, that air bags aren’t going to save us all, and go back to horse and buggies?

Of course not. We all realize, when it comes to most things, that there are some inherent risks. To live is to risk death. When it comes to most other pastimes and professions, no one ever suggests they should be judged solely in terms of their safety and risk factors. It’s only with sex work that we feel we should put “safety” (disproportionately, if not irrationally) first and foremost. We look for reasons to condemn sex workers and the entire business of adult entertainment, to confirm our puritanical, hysterical inner belief that sex is bad and should be punishable by death. Or at least ugly warts and a burning sensation.

The adult industry is a beautiful place. Adult performers by and large are beautiful, responsible, caring people who would never knowingly put each other at risk. As someone who has lived in both the civilian world and the adult industry world, I don’t hesitate to say that I prefer it just where I am. I’ll take these risks over those assumed in the civilian world any day.

Love to all my Industry brothers and sisters: the most courageous, honest and beautiful people I’ve ever had the great fortune to know.